DUMB COMPUTER QUESTIONS

Don't feel stupid about using your computer -- read on. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "PressReturn Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the Any Key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hardto control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bagthe mouse was packaged in.

3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes.A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopiesof the floppies.

4. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to faxanything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered theman was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of themonitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged becausehis computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid." The tech explainedthat the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't betaken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having troubles printing documents. He toldthe technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." Theuser had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer butthat his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her newDell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, thetechnician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Herresponse, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."The "foot pedal" turned out to be the mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-newcomputer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat therefor 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happenedwhen she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had troubles installing software and rang forsupport. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in thesecond disk, and I had some problems with the disk. When it said to put inthe third disk, I couldn't even fit it in...." The user hadn't realizedthat "Insert Disk 2" meant to remove Disk 1 first.

10. In a similar incident, a customer had followed the instructions forinstalling software. The instructions said to remove the disk from itscover and insert into the drive. The user had physically removed the casing ofthe disk and wondered why there were problems.

11. True story from a Novell NetWare Sysop: Caller: "Hello, is this TechSupport?" Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder onmy PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go aboutgetting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes,it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me. If Iseem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of apromotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it haveany trademark on it?" Caller: It came with my computer. I don't knowanything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rephad to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cupholder and snapped it off the drive.

12. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.The tech asked her if she was running it under "Windows." The woman responded,"No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is workingfine."

13. Tech Support: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys atthe same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Nowtype the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a'P'." Tech: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Now, don't you feel better about your skill level